...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They are going to name an STD after you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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