She's JV to your varsity
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
