I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
