I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
