i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
