I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
