There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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