thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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