She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
