We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
