So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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