DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize