I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
