so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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