i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
