idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
