omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
