Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
