I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
