No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
