He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
