So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
