She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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