you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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