I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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