Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
