i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
