She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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