I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
