the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Randomize
