I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
