haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
