I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
