I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
