But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
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god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
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I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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