I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
