Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
