At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
