There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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