please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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