i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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