you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
