I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
where am i from again
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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