my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
