3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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