Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
