kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
