He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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