Pappa wants mamma naked
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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