you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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