i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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