Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
