I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
