So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
