is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
