So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
