Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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